Monday, April 23

things are changing


I kind of feel like I have one tip toe out in the real world and the rest of me is in a hamster wheel.  I love my wheel, it is entrenched in routine, it gets going at 6 am and peters off at 7 pm, stopping altogether around 10 pm but of course makes appearances somewhere between 1 am and 5 am.   It is somewhere I feel comfortable, somewhere that is full of giggles, a place where I actually sing out loud and a place that is becoming increasingly entertaining everyday as the girls find their voices and start to speak... or that's what I like to call it.  So yeah, I am in it, and it is pretty much all consuming.  I know people preach about balance, about having a social life, about taking time for yourself... I try.... and I know it is important.... but damn it is hard to get anything more than a tip toe out there.

and mostly I am okay with it, actually thrilled with it.  Sometimes I worry a bit about losing myself.. but then I remind myself that I feel like I have never felt more like myself than I have these past almost 9 months.  The girls are nearing 9 months old.... yes the not so eagerly anticipated official date when they have actually been out in the real world longer than they were growing in me.  Someone told me a few months ago that I must not mourn the end of each stage... so I really try not to do that... but of course that is so hard.... and I mostly fail.... but it's something to aspire to.  The other thing that 9 months means... it is that much closer to the big change that is coming.  Operation Day Care... actually starting.  The last few weeks we have been baby-proofing, shopping, gearing up, decorating and planning for this new career of mine....


a little preview of the playroom... more to come soon...

Staying at home and starting a day care means that I will have a chance at doing something that I think I will love, and of course getting to stay with my girls, in my wheel each and everyday.

Not going back to my former career will mean a big financial adjustment... or change of ways... and sometimes when we are out at ... oh a mall... and I see things that I would like to have, I think for a second about how going back to work could mean that I could buy such things... but then that second passes and I feel relief when I realize that yeah, I will not have all of the things that I might think I want, but I will be with my girls.... and I remember that I have never gone to bed wanting a top, new pair of jeans, heels... you get the picture... but I have gone to bed agonizing over wanting someone tiny to hold and love... and now I have two.

change can be so good.

happy monday.

7 comments:

  1. I'm excited about your day care adventures! Love the look of the new playroom, and looking forward to seeing more. You sound so happy in your wheel, dear woman.

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  2. Awesome post, puts things in perspective!

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  3. Such a sweet ending to your post. The playroom looks great from the sneak peak you showed, and I bet you will be fantastic in your new role!

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  4. Such a great post. I am actually looking for somewhere for my daughter to be at an "in home" day care. I wish you lived closer :) The playroom looks adorable! Can't wait to see how this new adventure goes!

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  5. The playroom looks great. I wish you lived in the Toronto area because we need daycare! I can understand the hamster wheel!!

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  6. That is such wonderful perspective. I am quitting my job and the one stress for me is not being able to buy the shoes and "things" I want, but there are much more important things in this world.

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  7. awww, I was just thinking of you and operation daycare today. Great post.

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