Monday, September 19

will i go back


I never talk about work on here.  I rarely talk about work outside of work to anyone except Andrew.  Why is this?  

Well if I am being honest, I kind of hate it.  

Ever since Alice and Isla were born I've contemplated how I would ever go back to work.  I look at their gorgeous little faces and tear up even thinking about dropping them off somewhere else day after day.  

I'm not sure if I would feel differently if I was actually passionate about what I did.  I think I would still feel the same way.  I know that people say that having children changes you and I always assumed that it would.  I just never realized how much it would change me. 

So while feeding, changing, soothing and playing with our babies I am also caught thinking... constantly... about how I can not go back to work.

Andrew, the engineer that he is, has laid it out on the line... excel style.  The main issue being... can we afford this?

I am debating such things as taking in more children... yes that's right... daycare, starting my own company as a professional organizer, lifestyle consultant, freelance writer, wellness coach or working as a consultant in what I know but loathe... recruiting.

I have close to a year to get this together but I need a plan now... or more like yesterday.

Any ideas?  If you have children do you work or stay at home?  How did you make this decision?

I just can't imagine leaving them.

via

11 comments:

  1. I stay home, and we just have to keep life simple and don't have a lot. I don't know if that is an option for you guys but I always knew I would rather be poor and stay at home with my kiddos than have more and go to work. So that is what we are, poor as far as money is concerned. So freakin' rich when it comes to love and joy and health and all of that good stuff.

    I do freelance work at home for the place I worked for before Westley was born and make some extra money there and am going to clean a little for people when Drew is home with Westley on nights and weekends too. So that helps.

    It's hard but worth it for us.

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  2. @lady lee - glad to hear that you are rich in love and joy and are okay with being poor in money... since that is where we would be headed as well if I don't go back. I just keep thinking that in 20 or so years am I going to regret not earning a ton of money now or am I going to regret not spending more time with my girls. I am thinking that the loss of money would be much easier to swallow. It's also tough thinking long term. Once they go to school I will work again and I don't want to screw myself over for that either.

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  3. My husband and I had the same dilemma to figure out. When we found out we were pregnant with twins, and then were told it was triplets, forget about it... there was no way I could afford to put them in daycare, so staying home was the only option for us. Then we were told we no longer had 3, but 2 on the way. It brought about a little relief on the financial thought process. We also laid it out excel style ;) we are now budget for a year ahead .. it was difficult, but our spending habits HAVE to change, and month by month we are adjusting and getting better. it is NOT easy. Couponing, shopping on amazon to avoid tax and find the cheapest prices, learning to sew (I can only do so by hand at this point BARELY at that) ... and taking in donations and finding other twin mommas out there that are looking to get rid of their stuff... it's truly amazing how much people are willing to just give away for free or for cheap. It's not easy. But with what I get paid and how far travelling to work and back takes, it didn't make sense for us to pay for daycare, we'd barely be able to afford that, and I wouldn't even get to see the kids much and bond :-( --- Same thing, once school starts, I'll consider part time, and then once they are in full time, I'll look into something a little more. I also have a photography business on the side that I had to shut down during the pregnancy b/c of the risk, that I want to start back up. Just for a little bit of extra income. Etsy is also a great option too :-) It's not enough to carry us along but it's good spending money. And then I worry about the economy and what happens if my husband loses his job, but I have to take things day to day and not worry about the unknown there. sorry for the rant. But I hear ya!!!

    www.becauseofmatch.com

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  4. I'm pregnant now so all I can add is my plans, not real-life experience. I currently work from home (freelance advertising work) and plan to do so part-time after 3 months off with my babies (we're having twins). I hope to work about 25-30 hours a week and have someone come to the house to watch the babies while I'm working. For me this feels so much better than the thought of having to go off to an office, so I would say if you can make something work with you working out of the house I would try to do that. Good luck! I understand you not wanting to go back...I wish I could not work after the babies are born but that's just not realistic for us...

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  5. My baby is almost four weeks old, and my original plan was to return to work after six weeks (I'm an art teacher), but after having my babe, and being at home with her, the last thing I want to do is return to work and hand her off to a stranger to care for her (my husband and I don't have any family close to us). We're currently working on a plan that would allow me to work three days a week, and I'm hoping it will be possible. Oh, and I really LOVE my job, but I would give it up in a heartbeat in order to be able to stay at home with my baby. Good luck to you!

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  6. We decided when I was about 20 weeks pregnant and I would take this year (at least) and stay home. We are huge into paying off our student loans and trying to live our lives as simply as possible...so far, it has worked great and we have found that instead of spending money on ourselves, all our money has gone to our little boy...Funny how after you have kids your priorities shift! We work hard to eat at home and try grocery shopping/plan our meals around what's on sale each week...I loved my job, but I love Aiden more and to me, all the money in the world isn't worth sacrificing the time you will spend raising your own child. I do know that money is important though so it might not hurt to have a "trial" month where you guys live solely on your hubby's income...just a test run and if it goes smoothly, then there you go! :-) Good luck, you have a tough decision to make!

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  7. These kinds of posts always make me a little sad and jealous... simply because I so badly want to stay home. I always knew I wanted to... but we would have had to wait a long while before starting a family if that was to be a possibility. Once I had Colby & he was in the NICU there was no chance I could stay home simply because we needed the insurance and it comes through my work. He ended up being a million dollar baby as far as the NICU and insurance were concerned so it was very important. Now I've had the girls & in total I will have been out of work 9 months & I am so very nervous about going back. But I have to... again, simply because of my insurance. THe only thing that makes it easier to swallow is that I'm a teacher so I get the summers off plus all of the vacations. And I really do love my job whole heartedly. We're looking into moving & when we do I'm going to open a home daycare. We'd have to get my husband's more expensive insurance, but then the money I'd make caring for kids would offset the difference in price.

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  8. After my twins were born 9 months ago I decided to stay home with them. I also was not loving my job but I do wonder if it would have made any difference if I did enjoy it. Sure money has been tighter but the rewards are incredible. I cannot imagine leaving my babies with anyone. I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your family!

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  9. I had to go back to work...purely monetary reasons. But it was tough. I got a nanny etc...but still...there is no perfect solution.

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  10. my kid's almost 2.5 years old, so I've got a few years on you :) and I've had only 1 so far. first I wanted to say that my best friend had twins, a boy and a girl, and she chose to stay home with them. They are in school now, and she's still at home because they were not able to get afterhour care for after school.

    my story is very different. we have had retired relatives live with us and take care of our daughter, for 1.5 years until about 2 weeks ago when our little girl went to an amazing daycare.
    two things I want to say is that leaving my kid with my own aunt, whom I love dearly was hard. I think I was crying for the first week straight. So no matter how wonderful the caretaker, it will be difficult to say the least.
    second, having someone you trust take care of your kid makes the whole process much easier on everyone. I trusted my aunt 100%.

    i never really considered staying home because there are things that I want to give my child that, unfortunately, cost money. And that money needs to come from somewhere. Like skiing, tennis, piano, etc. Having myself grown up poor, it is not fun, when your family cannot afford to put you into any activities. Some can argue that these things are not necessary, but, for us, they are. And that is just a choice every family has to make for themselves. I also didn't want to start my career from scratch after taking time off (which is what some girls end up having to do).

    I should probably say that I was at home with my little girl a full year before going back to work. It has been difficult no matter what and I'm always looking for a way to work less. Maybe 4 days a week, or take some extra time off with baby #2 at some point in the future. I would love to be able to do consulting from home, that would be my dream. But right now it is just not possible.

    Last thing I wanted to say is that we spent insane amount of time looking for a daycare. Found an art program that suits our little girl's interests and she loves daycare. And everyone there loves her. That makes things that much easier. Not EASY, just easier.

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  11. I stay home and love it. Having said that, I think if you do plan to go back when they are in school, that maybe you should do something part time between now and then to keep yourself current. It is harder to work and keep a home and children, but maybe you should take a thought about the part time thing. The money you spend in childcare and such will probably make working a wash but it is the idea that you will be more employable later on that makes it worth it.
    Also, I do not have the latest in fashion wear and we drive used cars. We have savings and don't live paycheck to paycheck. If I worked, we would probably just spend more money on meaningless stuff (new car, lots of new clothes, spending time with my kids is more important to me than those things)...so it just doesn't make sense for us. If I wanted to stay current in my field, which it's been 7 years since I've worked...then I would do part time.

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