I feel somewhat caught between what I think I am supposed to feel right now and what I actually am feeling. I always knew this would be a trying time but was not prepared for the striking contrast of emotions. I am being good to myself right now. I feel so lazy though. I do not sit around on the couch all day but I have not entered a gym or yoga studio in way too long. I am just too tired. I am stubborn and find it hard to just give in to being tired and to ignore the pull of the gym.
There are so many things floating around in my head right now. I find myself policing my own thoughts on many occasions. My mind is wandering and it is going there... it is going to the what if this works... and then I literally feel all warm and then my sanity kicks in and yells stop it. This is me saving me from myself. There there are those other moments. The moments I really do not like. These are the moments where I think oh god what if this does not work... then I just do not feel and then my sanity saves me and gives me a swift kick and I tell myself to get my shit together and think positively. Things are just so up and down. I am sure this is normal. I just need to harness the nervous excitement.
|Bring on the snow already....View of Black Tusk from Whistler, BC|