Tuesday, October 12

feeling fragile, IVF 2011 might be the case


Today was tough.  Today pushed the boundaries of my emotional capability.  Today might have changed a lot.  There are still no test results.  There is still no commitment to start this coming cycle.  Odds are now that we will not be able to start until January.  I am so frustrated.

This whole process is frustrating enough without being robbed of all control.  This is especially difficult for me.  I prefer to control everything.  When I heard from the clinic that there were still no results, and that I might just have to wait until January... because apparently you cannot begin a first cycle during the holiday season.. I had a mini breakdown... after I hung up the phone of course.  I cannot keep feeling this way for another three months.

In a moment of weakness my Husband went as far as offering to buy us another kitten.  Apparently he has difficulty figuring out what exactly to do with me in trying times like these.  I do not blame him... I do not know what to do with myself either.  I turned down the offer shockingly, but we did settle on a post work trip to explore the newly opened Urban Outfitters and a dinner out downtown.  My Mom, who already stopped by for an impromptu Starbucks drop off an hour earlier, hurried back over with 27 Dresses in tow to bridge the gap sans Husband.

It is times like these where I feel weak and fragile.  I hate that I feel this way.  I cannot change it.

Urban Outfitters was a disappointment, as it always is in my opinion.  My sister would disagree and always looks fabulous but it is just not for me.  In any case, I did walk away with one new purchase.  A Truly Madly Deeply Graphic Tee.  I can never have too many t-shirts.

We are now back at home.  I kind of feel numb.  I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  I can only try to accept it.
It is amazing how a beautiful message on a beautiful print can cheer me up, even if it is just a little.  You Are Love by theloveshop via Etsy

4 comments:

  1. Have we been seperated at birth? ;) I have had quite the week myself. Our poor husbands who must endure, (and always do!) our wacky mood swings and we get even more upset when they have that blank look of "what-the-hell-should-I-do-next?" Last night I almost thew hot tea on my hubby for putting too much honey in it after I told him I liked a lot. *Sigh* Hang in there girl...and though it sucks you have to wait it out over the holidays, try not to let it dampen the best time of the year! XOXO

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  2. So true about how difficult it must be for our husbands trying desperately to cope with our emotions! Thanks for following!

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  3. Your hubby sounds like mine...he keeps offering me another puppy but two are enough. If I didn't keep turning them down we would have 20 or so! If you have to wait until Jan we will be cycling together. I hope you don't have to wait that long though...it sucks.

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  4. Just found your blog...congrats on your beautiful twins! I'm still praying for my happy ending after infertility but success stories like yours always give me hope. Thanks for sharing your story.

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